


Cheesy Pick-Up Lines and Bad Knock-Knock Jokes

by marilynsullivan



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Bad Jokes, Bad Pick-Up Lines, First Kiss, Fluff and Humor, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-08 07:59:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4296876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marilynsullivan/pseuds/marilynsullivan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Hey, Roddy, how come I've never actually heard you laugh?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cheesy Pick-Up Lines and Bad Knock-Knock Jokes

**Author's Note:**

> My excessive knowledge of bad jokes and pick-up lines helped. First time writing fanfics, sorry if it sucks!

"Hey, Roddy, how come I've never actually heard you laugh?"

 

"Because, **_Gil_** , you aren't funny."

 

"Oh come on! I bet no one here has actually heard you laugh. I bet you can't laugh. The stick shoved up your ass has made that impossible."

 

"Ha-ha." Roderich looked back at his papers. He had to finish these by tomorrow, and was not going to let the annoying albino distract him. _Why didn't I start these papers last week?_ He sighed. He had always been a procrastinator when it came to work.

 

"So," the Prussian plopped down next to him. "What are you doing anyways, little master?"

 

" _Trying_ to get work done."

 

"You know what you should really be trying to do?" 

 

"Do tell," Austria muttered, uninterested, signing papers here and there. 

 

" _Laugh_. You know, that's what makes you a person."

 

"Well, I'm not a person. I'm a nation. But since you're not either of those things I don't think you'd know."

 

"Okay, that was just _rude_."

 

"Go away, Gilbert."

 

"No."

 

"Leave."

 

"No."

 

" _Gilbert_." 

 

"No. Not until you laugh." 

 

"What?"

 

"I refuse to leave until you laugh."

 

"Okay. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha." The aristocrat paused for a second to look at red eyes that stared back at him before looking back at his papers. "Now leave."

 

"No! No, no, I mean a _real_ laugh!" Gilbert grabbed Roderich's wrist, stopping him from signing anything else. "And not the laugh you put up for West either. I want the real thing!"

 

"How do you know my fake laugh from my real laugh? How do you know I even _have_ a fake laugh?"

 

"Because, Roddy," he placed one hand beneath Roderich's chin and twisted his face slightly to look at him. "I pay closer attention to you than you think." After a bit of silence he added, "you know, I think you'd look way prettier if you smiled. Not that you don't look great now, but I mean, if you smiled that would be, _wow_!"

 

"My job isn't to look pretty for you, Gilbert." Roderich tried to move away but Prussia just made him face him again.

 

"I know, I know. Just saying. But imagine the sound of your laugh. Wow. That would be _hot_." 

 

"Was that supposed to be funny? Was that supposed to make me laugh?"

 

"Oh! Right! You can't just laugh out of nowhere. That would be weird." Gilbert removed his hand from Roderich's face and turned his body to completely face the other nation, one leg on each side of the bench. 

 

"And coming to my house uninvited almost daily _isn't_ weird?"

 

"Okay. Knock-knock!"

 

"What?"

 

"You're supposed to say 'who's there?'"

 

"Why?"

 

"Do it!"

 

"Fine. Who's there?" At this point Roderich also turned himself to completely face Gilbert, not thinking about the small space between them. At all. Obviously. He wasn't thinking about it. Nope. Right?

 

"Orange. Now say ‘orange who?’" 

 

"Orange who?"

 

"Orange you going to answer the door?" The Prussian grinned. He was sure that this would make the Austrian smile, at least.

 

"Oh, how I wish you knocked the door and waited for me to answer it before coming in."

 

"Would you actually let me come in?"

 

"No."

 

Gilbert smiled and shook his head. "Okay, Specs. How about- oh, I remember! Knock-knock!"

 

"Who's there?" 

 

"Ahmed."

 

"Ahmed who?"

 

And then, "AHMED A PAYPHONE, TRYING TO CALL HOME, ALL OF MY CHANGE I SPENT ON YOU!"

 

"That is so old." 

 

"Knock-knock!"

 

Sigh. "Who's there?"

 

"Old lady!"

 

"Old lady who?"

 

"Wow! I didn't know you could yodel!" 

 

"Well, Switzerland showed me when we were kids." Roderich said sarcastically. He'd never admit it, but he was actually having fun.

 

"Okay, okay! This'll work. Why did the chicken cross the road?"

 

"To get to the other side?"

 

"No. To get to the losers house!"

 

"...okay?"

 

"Knock-knock!"

 

"Yes?" Roderich asked.

 

"Say it, Roddy!"

 

"Who's there?"

 

"The chicken!" The grin that spread across Gilbert's face was enough to make Roderich melt, but he wasn't about to show it. 

 

"That was horrible." He said instead, not even offering a small smile.

 

"Excuse you. It was amazing. Why aren't you laughing?" 

 

"You're not funny."

 

"Okay, let's try something new. There's 20 letters in the alphabet, right?" Gilbert could barely hold his excitement for this one.

 

"English alphabet? Wrong." 

 

"Oh, I must have forgotten U-R-A-Q-T."

 

"Where'd you get that? Tumblr?" Roderich rolled his eyes.

 

"Oops, I forgot a letter. But I'll give you the D later." Gilbert said this rather seductively and leaned in just a tiny bit. "Oh my god," the silver-haired man sniffed around. "It smells like upsexy in here!"

 

"I'm not falling for that." 

 

"Come on! Ask!"

 

"No.”

 

“Please!” Jeez, this aristocrat needed to learn how to have some fun!

 

"Fine. What's 'upsexy'?"

 

"Nothing much, you?" Gil leaned in even more.

 

Roderich could have laughed at how stupid Gilbert was acting. But, then again, he was trying his best not to laugh.

 

 

"You know, I'm like milk. Great for the body." Gil winked at the other seductively.

 

Roderich was the one to smirk this time. "Sorry, I'm lactose intolerant." He also leaned in a bit, without even noticing. 

 

"Oh wow, you're actually smiling instead of frowning! What else can you do with that mouth?" Gilbert got so close to Roderich he could almost feel those lips against his own. He tilted his head to the side slightly. 

 

"GILBERT!" 

 

And was pushed off the bench. 

 

"Hey! What the fuck was that Specs?" They were about to have a perfect moment! But Prussia was met with nothing other than laughter. 

 

 _Laughter_! From _Roderich_! 

 

...directed at him. 

 

"Hey! That is so not funny! That hurt!"

 

"I'm sorry- I just- oh my god _your face_!"

 

"Yeah, I know I'm hot Rod but that's no reason to laugh!" 

 

Meanwhile the other man looked like he could fall of the bench any second now. He was covering his face, body shuddering from waves of laughter. That gave Gilbert an idea to say the least. He reached for one of Roderich's arms and pulled him down with him. Or, well, on top of him.

 

All laughter ceased. Everything seemed quiet. And then, for a second, Gilbert pressed his lips against Roderich. And for a millisecond, Roderich kissed back.  

"Are you my appendix?" Gilbert asked quietly.

 

"What? Why-"

 

"Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out."

 

Roderich smiled. "You're such a fool, Gilbert."

 

"Yeah, but maybe that's because I'm just lacking some Vitamin U."

 

"That sucked."

 

"No, it didn't! But you know what _will_ suck? You. My five meters. Tonight."

 

"Gilbert, no." Roderich rolls his eyes, exasperated.

 

"You know you love me!"

 

"Get out." 

 

_More laughter ensues._

 

 

_ The End. _

 

 

{Marilyn S.}

 

 

 


End file.
